The conversationalist

Sam: Hello Mommy. Scratch my itch. Can I have a salad please? Salad dressing. Dressing on the salad. Talking about blues clues. We are talking about blues clues. Do birthday cakes have hair? No. Do telephones have hair? Nooo. Do chairs have hair? Noooooo. Do bananas have hair? Noooooooooooo. But a baby has hair. Can I have a juice please? Ask Mommy. Can I have a juice please? Yes, juice. Mommy, juice please. Dleadaledaledaledalda.

Me: Cough.

Sam: Are you OK? Mommy, are you OK?

Me: Yes, Sam. I am fine. Thank you for asking.

Sam: Going to the hospital. Better call the doctor. Call the doctor. Are you OK? Are you sick. Dleadaledaladala. Hospital. Haaaaaaaaaaaaa. Mommy is sick. Ask Mommy. Are you sick? Drive the car. Going to the hospital. Better call the doctor. Call the doctor. Haaaaaaaaaaaaaa. 

Me: Mommy is fine. Eat your chicken.

Sam: Big squeeze. Are we there yet? No. Are we there yet? No. Are we there yet? No. Are we there yet? No. We are not. Are we there yet? No. Are we there yet. No. No. No. No. No. Are we there yet. Not yet. Are we there yet? No. Are we there yet? No. Are we there yet? No. Are we there yet? No. We are not. Are we there yet? No. Are we there yet? Haaaaaaaaaa. Dleadaledaleadaleada. Can I have a laptop please? Mommy’s laptop? Big hug. Big squeeze. Squeeze my Sam’s shoulders. Pimple. Squeeze it. Pimple. Squeeze it. 

Me: Much is that is an attractive offer, I will pass. Eat your chicken.

Sam: A dadadadadadadadaeeeeee. Do birds swim in the water? NO! Do butterflies swim in the water? NO! Do fish swim in the water? YES! Squeeze him. Squeeze him tight. Squeeze my Sam's shoulders. Do daffodils have hair? Noooooo. Squeeze him tight. Ask Mommy. Can I have a juice please? Take off. Take off. Mommy! Take off!! Take off green.

           

Me: It’s just parsley.  Eat it, please. You won’t die.

Sam: Mommy. I have a surprise for you what is it? The Lion King One and One Half, disk two. Mommy! I have a surprise for you. What is it? The Lion King One and One Half, disk two. Disk two.

Me: Gee, there’s a dream come true.

Sam: Mommy. Let’s take a drive. Go shopping. Buy some DVDs. Shrek Two. Mommy. Let’s go shopping. Buy some DVDs. Barney Visits New York. The movie. Mommy. Let’s take a drive. Go shopping. Buy some DVDs. Shrek Two. Mommy. Let’s go shopping. Buy some DVDs. Barney Visits New York. The movie.

Me: Maybe another day. Sam. Be quiet and eat your chicken please.

           

Sam: Shhhh. Shhhhh. Mommy. Be quiet. Stop talking. Haaaaaaaaaaaa. Can I play with a WII? Mommy. Let’s take a walk. Upstairs. Mommy’s laptop. A deedadeeedadeeedadeeedadeee! Are you my mother? Are you my mother?           

                       

Me: You know, there are days I wonder.  

Sam: Brown hair. Blue shirt. Black pants. Green tree. Blue sky. Scratch my itch! This one. This one. Hug. Biiiiiiiiiiig hug. Squeeze him. Squeeze him tight. No school. No school. Mommy. No school.          

                       

Me: Sam. Look out the window. What do you see?  

Sam: See dark. No school. Is dark. Dark is when you sleep. School tomorrow. Brown hair. Blue shirt. Black pants. Green tree. Blue sky. Scratch my itch! This one. This one. Hug. Biiiiiiiiiiig hug. Squeeze him. Squeeze him tight. No school. No school. Mommy. No school. Can I have a dessert please? Ask Mommy. Can I have a dessert please. Hello Mommy. Can I have a dessert please?Can I have a dessert please? Ask Mommy. Can I have a dessert please. Hello Mommy. Can I have a dessert please?

Me: Yes, if you finish eating. Less talking. More eating.

Sam: Dleadaaadeleeadadee. Well, that’s not a great idea.

Me: Eat. Just eat.

Sam: Waah, waah, waah. Mommy is sad. Poor Mommy. Crying. Tears of sadness.  Haaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Dleadaleadaladleadlas. Mommy is funny. Are you my mother? Are you my mother?

           

Me: Yup. Sad but true.

Sam: Can I have a laptop please? Ask Mommy, can I have a laptop please? Daddy’s laptop? Yes. Daddy’s laptop. Youtube. Mommy. Scratch my itch. Can I have cheese please? Cheese on the macaroni. Mommy. Let’s sing You Are My Sunshine.

           

Me: You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy….

Sam: Mommy! Stop singing!! No singing! Mommy. Is empty. Empty. Dessert? Dessert! Chocolate? Chocolate dessert please. Holds hands. I need help. Help with chocolate. Ask Mommy. Can I have a dessert please?

Me: Come on. Let’s get dessert. How about an ice cream bar?

Sam: YES. YES!

A big smile emerges. En route to the freezer, there is an obligatory dance of celebration around the kitchen.  And finally, the kitchen grows completely silent.


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