About dreams

Dreams are fascinating. Those strange and magical places we visit while we sleep: sometimes terrifying, sometimes beyond wonderful. Sometimes just plain weird.

I remember recurring childhood dream about a box  of 128 Crayola crayons (including the coveted gold and silver). The dream had many variations but always ended the same way: with my treasured box of crayons carefully tucked under my pillow for safe keeping.

Each morning as I woke from that dream I looked under my pillow. Though I knew the crayons wouldn't be there, I still hoped the crayons transcended from a dream to reality. It never happened, of course. That didn't stop me from enjoying my time in that dream.

Many mornings as I watch Sam wipe the sleep from his eyes I wonder if he dreams as I did. Does he dream of playing basketball and sinking the perfect shot or dream of fabulous colors? Does he think dreams are real? Does he dream at all?

“Sam,” I ask, “how did you sleep?” With his peculiar voice inflections he responds, “I slept  OK.” Whether he slept one hour or eight, the answer is always the same. “I slept OK.” Attempting to prolong the conversation I ask, “Did you dream?” “Yes,” he always answers. “What did you dream about?” I probe. Again the answer is always the same: “Bed.” I interject the word “…and...” and he responds, “...and sleep.” "You dreamed about bed and sleep?" I ask incredulously.  "Yes," he answers.

“OK Sam, let’s talk about dreams.” He knows the drill now and provides me a rote reply, “Yes. Dream. Sleep. Bed.” “Do you know where dreams come from?” I ask. He scripts, “From your Sam’s brain.”  “Yes. It is your imagination while you sleep. Do you know about imagination?” I ask. “Elmo’s imagination,” he says referencing an Elmo song about imagination as he turns to something else. How much is he understanding? I am seldom sure.

My dream about the box of Crayola crayons has long been gone. I have a newer dream in its place, though. I dream of conversing with Sam with relative ease. It is a dream I have with frequency. I dream Sam is able to tell me all the things he currently can't. It is a happy dream.

Each time I wake from this dream I repeat the emotional equivalent of looking under my pillow for my crayons: that brief moment of hope my dream is real.

It is not, of course. But I will dream of it again another day, and another day and still another day after that. Who knows, maybe, just maybe, one morning the dream will continue into my waking hours and and I will unlock the mysteries of my beautiful boy.



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Camp, imaginary kids and bunk beds

I signed Sam up for camp again in New Hampshire the other day.   

Last year, we managed to survive our three days/two nights apart. And the camp appeared to have survived Sam. This year we’ve upped the ante. Yes, Sam will spend six days and five (hopefully) sleep filled nights at camp.

As I begin to emotionally prepare for this, I’ve been playing back last summers adventure. Most of all I remember Sam’s return home with a barrel of dirty laundry and eleven imaginary siblings.

Yes, seven brothers and four sisters.

Sam’s camp counselor clued me in by curiously asking, “Does Sam have any brothers or sisters? He told us he has seven brothers and 4 sisters. He even told us their names.” Since I was pretty sure Sam was my only child, this was surprising news.

I asked Sam the names of his brothers and sisters and sure enough he rattled off eleven names: Jack, Joe, Tom, Jason, Zack, Josh, Lazy, Robin, Sister, Kate and Jane. “Where do they live?” I asked. “Bunk beds in Sam’s house.” He responded in an off-handed way. Really? We don’t have bunk beds.

Diving home I gave little thought to our new family members. I assumed we left them in New Hampshire, but they followed us home along with the dirty laundry. I guess they slipped into the bag without my notice, being imaginary and all. 

Sam referenced his siblings for a long time, insisting they were at our house, sleeping in the bunk beds we don’t have.  A friend pointed out the positive: we should have considerable tax savings with all those extra kids. And they could be accountable for my nagging fatigue.

Recently several of the kids moved out, likely due to my inattention. The last four, Robin, Sister, Joe and Lazy, show no signs of leaving.  

I am beginning to think they are real. It explains a lot: the escalating electric bill, growing food consumption, laundry, noise and unflushed toilets… And is Lazy responsible for the sink load of dirty dishes I found again last night?

That brings us to this summer and camp: I hope Sam enjoys it. I also hope he'll take Lazy and the others along. I could use the break. The extra housework from those kids is killing me. 


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