Don't give up

Life long pals. On vacation November 2000.

“Don’t worry,” I hear my father say. “He will get there.” He watches Sam, now asleep on his bed and shakes his head in amusement. “He looks comfortable. One thing about Sam, he is always smiling.” My father is Sam’s number one fan.

“Yes he is.” I confirm. “He gets that from you.” My father agrees saying, “When I was in the army I was always in trouble for smiling. They told me, Smiling Jack! Wipe that smile off your face.“ “Yes,” I say.“ And I have heard many other stories when you were in trouble for smiling.” True.” He acknowledges with another of his famous grins.

“How is school?” he asks. “Sam likes math,” I answer, “He likes to read, he likes to draw.” My father responds, “I think he will surprise everyone one of these days.” For a moment or two I feel safe within the cocoon of my father’s optimism.

“Sam is always happy,” my father marvels again. “Yes,” I say. “Well most of the time. He wasn’t too happy at school last week. And they weren’t too happy with Sam.” “Ah,” says my father, “no one ever said life would be easy. Never quit.” “Never quit.” I echo. In my mind I hear my Uncle Anthony tell me, “One thing about your father. He’s no quitter.” We are not quitters. This is our legacy.

My father drifts off for a moment and then returns to me asking, “How tall is Sam now?” “Tall like you. Six foot one.” I answer. My father likes that answer. He likes being responsible for Sam's height. “Sam is a good-looking boy.” He says. “He has a beautiful nose.”  My father also treasures beautiful noses.

He watches Sam thoughtfully. Then he reminds me, “My father used to say to us: Don’t you know, you didn’t come looking for me. I went looking for you.” “Yes, I remember.” I say, acknowledging my responsibility. “I had a wise grandfather.”

Sam is now awake and boisterous once more.  My father marvels one last time, “Look how happy he is. He will get there. Never give up.”

“I won't,” I promise my father for what will be the last time, “I won't.” “Good,” he answers as he smiles once more. 

Follow us on facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/BlendingWithAutism

The world according to Sam

With a blog currently comprised of about 12 posts, it seems a little soon to be offering up my space to a guest blogger. Still, with Christmas nearly here and my cookies nowhere near completion, I'm turning it over to Sam.

Sam has been posting on facebook for the better part of two years. While he has minimal interest in social media, he’s had a few thoughts to share on his status updates. I’ve placed them into categories but the rest is, well, uncensored Sam.

You've got to admit, he has a way with words.

Greetings and salutations:

i'm an nantucket. hello can you hear me? pancakes today. but is sunny

Hi everybody

hello everybody is good

Hello world

what's on your mind what you thinking about stuff

are you ok?

hello. everybody be happy

Wishful thinking:

There's no school because it's too much sunny

Daddy's car go to market basket cookie in your basket chocolate moose.

no school today

get dressed no school

Sam he drive the car

Words to live by:

Love is good

yes it's a good day. is good because i feel good. i'm happy. everybody be happy

love in my heart. is good

Happy because it's feels good. Get dressed breakfast with daddy. It's a good day

Desperate times call for desperate measures. When all else fails, ask facebook:

Can i have a toast please?

can I have some toast please.?

Toast please

i like a lemon cake please. mommy lemon is good.

punkin cake please.

Mommy's laptop end credits please

i'm thinking about the wii mascascar

Batteries for game boy Sherk two please

i feel sick you need medicine feel better heartburn tooth floss

Hello. I need help. I need help laptop password please.

I’ve got food on my mind:

What's on your mind? I'm thinking about peanut butter

Mommy made ice cream is good

We are at Pi Pizza. Eat pizza

do you like green eggs and ham?

turkey thanksgiving pie brown chocolate pie

No ski ice cream cone from the ice cream truck that has wheels

salad chicken and fish eat chicken you eat it with a fork and a knife

get dresssed pinj is PB and J is good

kelsey is nice. yes i saw kelsey at the restaurant. fish chocolate.

I went to the beach and I ate pizza.

Cookies brown chocolate chips you pop the bubbles red face

And the plan is:

Get dressed scrabble eggs go with dad

get dressed down stairs eat toast on butter

get dressed put on pants put on shirt put on socks tennis shoes. mommy's car get papa and drive to camp code

The plan is first get dress but there's no school because it's too much snow go sledding

get dressed no school game boy go with daddy to breakfast scramble eggs . basketball with dante good plan

shoes mommy's car go get papa and daddy no plan

In case you were wondering

I'm beend right here at the restaurant inside nantuckets

camp i'm home. joe's house sleep in bunk. camp is good. stay home now

No school is Saturday

Really out the snow

Today is wednesday you have school on tomorrow

chocolate. is gone. Sam ate all the chocolate.

There are no Y's in the puzzle

Vacation!

vacation day today. feel good

i went to camp code and i watch t.v. and sand in water beaches.

having a good summer so far. im watching mommy's laptop. on the beach see the sand see the water this person is really great time on the beach. in the nantucket. yes i went to the beach

it's rainy today no swimming

get dressed flip flops today

sam sail on the boat. Funny

July 4^th, birthdays and other holidays:

i saw the fireworks at the beach. i sound big bang

thank you everybody. nice birthday yes

Fireworks!

Today is July 4. I saw fire truck and water fight. I see fireworks. Happy birthday to me.

Yes happy valentine's day

Is good I see parade. Yellow flowers and red flags

Happy halloween hi mommy hi Sam how are you I'm good hot still hot

white bunny rabbit. Hi everybody today is sunday and happy easter

Happy Father's day to you

vacation down stairs shower on your head

Thoughts on autism

I walk for autism speaks. Is good. Big tent ate muffins. Walk far and yes a lot of people. Feel good. Thank you for helping Sam

I am walking Saturday. I need help. I want help friends.

walking autism feels happy

Do you like the blue? Autism speaks light it up blue. Good. Because it's happy. Thank you.

On sports:

i hit the ball two times. baseball is fun

baseball today. do the waved. eat peanuts

Today is saturday and baseball. i hit the ball on the ground. feel good

Skiing down the hill today. Is good. Feel is cold.

hockey game yes

skiing is on the mountain. i won medals. down the mountaIn. i am all done

i play soccer i kicked the soccer ball and is good

get dressed put on socks put on shoes. dante kick the soccer ball oh i missed it

And the truth is:

i ate mommy's cookies. my toes are cold. i'm not a pest

sam is a pest

sam ate ate all the cookies

yes mommy it's funny

mommy is good

stinky feet

sam is annoying because it feel good

sam felt happy

What makes me happy:

i had fun dancing at the prom

it's raining today. feel good because it's saturday and there's no school

Status is no school today because it's too much snow yes I am happy.

papa's home. good bye the hospital. feel happy

Dancers be carefull don't fall down. I like the dancers.

mommy sing you are my sunshine stop singing

No school because is vacation is good I feel happy

i saw the lion king. is good. i like simba he is a lion. there sing and there dance i like the colors

squeeze him tight yes o.k. dance mommy sings you are my sunshine

Dancing with crystal. Dan was dancing. Potato chips bread cake is good. Yes hey soul sister

It's all in a day:

what's is going on no school get dressed put on socks put on shoes eat cereal brushing my sam's teeth tooth floss flush the toilet           

           

go to sleep toinght night time

get dressed no school put on pants put on socks

get dressed put on socks cookies not done yet oh

no school. i went too bad

daddy adding numbers you know addition

fold your clothes

get dressed put on pants on socks go see papa. do you like papa? yes i like papa

is one dark out go to sleep

get dressed put on socks then ten shoes

mommy's car wash wipe the and is all clean

Though I don't know how Sam leans politically, there is always the obligatory commentary on the current state of affairs:

is barak obama is he's joe biden he had's a job


Of course there are always those posts that defy explanation:

get dressed mommmy i yelled scared by dr. seuss try again uh-oh that's not a good match

What you keeping down on the snow

what's does the situation like best thundering in nighttime

Exercise you know rave your brain

is sunday yuck in the sink

stuff if broccoli who men yeah this is so much better then you wow

Happy holidays everyone!

Follow us on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/BlendingWithAutism

Living in the Tower of Babel

Within our fairly traditional home in our typical suburban neighborhood lives a self-proclaimed nerd, a dreamer and an autistic or in more contemporary terms, a right brain, a left brain and a we're still figuring it out brain. Not surprisingly, we have very different conversational styles. 

And though time after time I have listed “English” as the language spoken in our home on surveys and physician’s forms, it occurred to me after an attempt at conversing with my family recently that I live a modern day Tower of Babel.

The biblical Tower of Babel

Tony speaks fluent geek. He lives in a very factual world of black and white. If I say the sky is blue, I’d better be able to back that statement up with detailed information on the atmospheric conditions, gas molecules and light waves. ‘Blue skying’ a concept might cause his head to blow up into a thousand pieces; talk of feelings or emotions makes his skin crawl.

Sam is an expert in echolalia. He contributes to conversations by quoting a random movie, video or book lines that oddly parallel our conversation. On rare occasions even punctuating conversations profoundly. He interprets to the very literal meaning of each word. No idioms for him. Use the expression "kick him out" and someone WILL get kicked. I promise.

As the out to lunch member of the house, I am a sucker for subtle nuances and metaphors and exploring multiple meanings of books or movies. I use liberal amounts of body language thinking you can express more with the raise of an eyebrow than a pile of words.

Only nuances, metaphors and body language aren't among the known languages of the Tower of Babel.

Say the words "Cape Cod" and Tony responds with weather and logistics. I discuss shopping and scenery and Sam hears cheeseburgers. Go to a movie and unless the bad guy is wearing a black hat, Tony is hopelessly lost. Give me numbers to crunch or directions to follow and my eyes glaze over.

Ask us to give the high points of any conversation and you are likely to get two very different interpretations. As for Sam, unless chocolate is involved, he won’t interpret at all. 

We greet each day babbling in a parallel sort of way, each of us hopeful that our words are understood well enough to muddle through the day without disaster. And some days do end well. Others are hopelessly communication challenged with conversations ending with a very quizzical, “Huh??” or worse yet, “Wow. I didn’t see THAT coming.” And still other days end in hysterical laughter.

Now and again I hear bragging of the solidarity of a particular household; where the mere utterance of the word "blue" results not only a complete understanding of the word blue but also the exact shade of blue. Where conversations are succinct and communication effective.  

I don’t happen to know that home.

Though our communication challenges may be a more extreme than some, I suspect we are not alone in our Tower of Babel. And I wouldn’t want to live any place else. I’d miss the elation of those rare occasions when we get it right.

Who’d want to live a place where everyone understands exactly the same thing, anyway? I mean really, where’s the fun in that? 

Follow us on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/BlendingWithAutism