Showing posts with label goodbye. Show all posts
Showing posts with label goodbye. Show all posts

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

The boy in the shadow


There is a boy I will never know. I rarely think of him. But late at night when I can’t sleep, at the juncture of certain milestones, he slips into my mind. Living in a shadow out there somewhere is the boy who might have been.

I wonder about that boy in the shadow. What would life with him been like?

With his rugged looks, would there have been a girlfriend by now? Would his big, sturdy hands put him on a football team? Would his easy smile and quest for laughter made him an easy friend? Would he be leaving soon for a college far away? Would he explore the world through art or maybe math? 

I might have liked to spend time with him, that boy in the shadow. But as I peer in on my sweet Sam I know I would have to give up the boy who sleeps peacefully before me for that to happen.

I can't imagine life without the boy I have. This is the boy I love, full of joy and good. I feel a familiar sharp pain in my heart. And with that I say goodbye to the boy in the shadow. 


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Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Sam and Nana


Today is my mother's birthday. November 1. All Saint's Day. But this isn't about her birthday or the fact she was a saint (trust me, she was). This is about fondly remembering a night together almost 13 years ago.

It was a night like any other. Straightening my mother's kitchen, me at the sink, admonishing my mother to sit. My mother responding, "Janet I am not an invalid."  

I remember it now as a series of snapshots: the ever present crossword puzzle. The sparkle of my mother's ring. Her white china. Her casual elegance. The steam on the windows from the February cold. The blue denim of Sam's overalls. Carol. The hazel-green of her eyes. The smile that accompanied her low laugh.

It was a happy night. We were talking of spring and planning for when the weather improved. We spoke of of ordinary things, most long forgotten.

Soon it was time to go home. "Say good bye to Nana," I said expecting Sam to plant his usual goodbye kiss on her cheek.

This night's goodbye was different. Sam cheerfully dashed across the kitchen and climbed onto my mother's lap. Wrapping his legs securely around her waist, he grabbed her forcefully by the ears and yanked her face tightly into his. Then he planted a lengthy and exaggerated kiss on her lips, accompanied by the obligatory smacking sound.

Satisfied with his efforts, Sam pulled his face back. Locking eyes with my mother, he flashed a big smile and said, "Good bye, Nana!" He scrambled down and ran to meet me at the door.

With a bemused expression my mother said, "Well! I've just been kissed." “Yes you have!” I responded as I began to laugh, “Like you've never been kissed before.” “True,” she acknowledged. Within a moment she was laughing, too. We parted then, still laughing.

I didn’t think much about Sam’s goodbye once we left. There wasn’t any reason too. It was simply one in a series of greetings I expected to continue for many more years. It wasn't to be, of course. It was Sam’s last goodbye to my mother.

Today on her birthday I am remembering that comical goodbye, the delight of my mother's smile and I am smiling too.

Happy birthday, Mom.



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Friday, February 24, 2012

Cheeseburgers, literally speaking

Living with a literal thinker can lead to some interesting situations.

Sam was looking forward to a night out at a local restaurant with cheeseburgers as the main event. Anxious to be on his way he surmised the only thing stopping him from getting his cheeseburger was Erika. The solution was simple. Erika had to go. And now.

Sam approached Erika saying, "Goodbye Erika." He took her hand tried to direct her to the door. But Erika was busy giving me an update of the afternoon's progress. Again he said, "Goodbye Erika." This was quickly followed by another "GoodBYE Erika."

Erika still didn't leave. Finally pulling out all the stops, he resorted to eye contact. Sticking his face in hers he said emphatically, "Goodbye Erika!" He tried again to pull her toward the door.

"Hang on Sam. We are almost done." I said as we wrapped up our conversation. Erika headed to the family room to collect her things. Sam watched her, clearly concerned. Any direction except the door was the wrong direction.  Anxiously he said, "Mommy!! Goodbye Erika!!"

"Do you want Erika to go?" I asked. "Yes!" he replied with enthusiasm. Without thinking I said, "Well then, go say goodbye to Erika, bring her to the door and kick her out."

With a plan in place he ran up to to Erika. Showing how well he could take direction, he lead her by the hand to the door and said, "Goodbye Erika!"

And then with an extra big smile, he opened the door and kicked her.


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