The art of blending

Red and blue make orange. Yellow and blue make green. Red and blue make purple. I remembered these combinations as I watched Sam draw and noted Sam wasn’t one to blend his colors. This is in part because he already has green, orange and purple crayons and doesn't see the need. It is also because (I think) he likes his colors exactly as they are. Orange sits next to red and blue sits next to green. They may overlap but they don’t blend.

I was taught to blend.  

We blended our voices in glee club; we blended in our navy blue uniforms. Years of Catholic school education taught me it was important to behave similarly. I listened to orchestras blend instruments to create harmonious music. I watched my mother masterfully blend seasonings to create a meal. I live in a country that prides itself on  blending its cultures.  

So what of Sam, the child who simply didn’t blend? My first inclination was to curb the behaviors that made him appear different. 

But Sam with his big rosy cheeks and impossibly bigger hair found it difficult to modify his behavior. After countless hours of ABA therapy, social groups, behavior incentives, and interventions I’ve long forgotten; in spite of Sam’s eagerness to please, he did not blend. I could look out at a pack of kids and pick out Sam in a nanosecond. 

I redoubled my efforts to "suck the autism out of him" without stopping to wonder why it was so necessary. Finally after years of perceived failure, I wondered why it was important; how had it become the focus of our lives? 

I also remembered Sam's reluctance to blend his colors; how he chose color after color, placing them side-by-side, rarely blending just having them co-exist. His seemingly random technique always evolved into a harmonious whole. Though his work was far more abstract, his approach reminded me of the Georges Seurat paintings I'd studied long ago with individual dots of color, each important to the success of the overall image.

Maybe our answer lay in Sam's artwork. I began to think of our family: three very different people who  managed to blend into a family, while retaining individuality – even liking our differences. Together we made a whole. Just like like those colors laid side by side in Sam's drawings: each color critical to the success of the completed whole. 

If we could meld our differences into a family, surely there was a way to extend it to create a community. Sure, Sam needed to work on skills to learn when/how to compromise. His success in a community will always remain contingent on his ability to cooperate; find common ground and peacefully co-exist. But cooperation, diversity and individuality can exist together. 

I like to think Sam might one day be one of the colors in a Seurat painting that fascinated me so many years back. Up close, a bunch of random dots. Step back and the dots create entirely new colors and a beautiful image emerges. That is what I hope for Sam: retaining his individual “color” while blending together into the canvas of a harmoniously diverse community. 

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A very small corner

On a sunny Sunday this year in mid September we took on a small corner of the world. Right around the corner of Park Ave and Pleasant Street to be exact.

Courtesy of Seven Hills, Sam shared a table with several other artists at stART on the Street selling the note cards and drawings he’s been producing for the last couple of years.

It couldn’t have been a more beautiful day. The Park Avenue was filled with shoppers and street vendors. The neighborhood was alive: bands, people and the scent of foods all vying for attention. It was questionable how Sam will tolerate an environment so complex. There was a time when none of this would have been even possible.

But over the years when opportunity presented, we’ve tried. And we tried again. Taking baby steps. Sometimes lasting a few minutes, sometimes longer. Bit by bit we made progress, though sometimes it was near impossible to see.

This was Sam’s most successful venture ever. Many people stopped by to chat with Sam, see his artwork – some even making purchases. Nearly all were complete strangers to us, buying either because they liked Sam’s cause or maybe his smile or his artwork. In a best case, they might have liked all three. He raised a fair amount of money for charity, too. In all it was a perfect afternoon.

I thought of the days when every venue was a challenge, those were the days of meltdowns and awkward stares. I am so proud of Sam. He's come so very far. It didn't happen over night; we still have a long way to go. Sure, there will be challenging days ahead. But so much is possible, isn't it.

PS: Sam will be at the Millbury Council on Aging Center, One River Street, Millbury, MA on Saturday, November 10, from 9 AM to 1:30 PM selling his note cards and drawing… all proceeds going to charity. Stop by and visit us!

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